Here are the facts: you don’t think your feet are disgusting, but the women around you probably do. It sounds harsh, but so was the reaction when we asked a smattering of women a simple question: How do you feel about men in flip-flops? “Even I wouldn’t wear flip flops,” said one, “and I have a pedicure.” Another used the phrase “hobbit feet.” Yet another said, “Men on the beach should wear sneakers until the last possible minute and then abandon them right before they dash into the water.”
But you don’t want to wear shoes to the beach. And you love your Havaianas. Here’s what’s wrong with your feet, and what you can do to fix it.
First, admit that it’s worse than you think
When it comes to feet, men live in denial. Just ask a doctor who treats them.
"The average guy isn't coming to me unless he's in excruciating pain," says Dr. Suzanne Levine, a board-certified podiatric surgeon and author of My Feet Are Killing Me.
What’s the problem? It could be irritation, crooked toes, bunions, nerve tumors known as neuromas, or, of course, peeling skin and discoloration due to fungus.
"Sometimes their partner will actually escort them in,” says Levine, “and say to me, 'Please do something about these feet. They're unsightly.'"
Fungus is your feet’s worst enemy
You know about athlete’s foot. (And if not, study up.) But let's talk about your nails. Of all the foot fungi, this is what might be nauseating the people around you.
"The number one problem I see is brown, yellow, discolored, fungal nails," says Levine. And not only do these look bad—but think about what life's going to be like if you give your nail fungus to your girlfriend or wife.
Couple that with the rough way men treat their nails, and you're in trouble. "Men can be cutting their nails but leaving them jagged," says Levine. "Right away when I look at their feet it will be obvious: redness, swelling, peeling, ingrown nails, fungus."
Fight for better-looking feet
What do you do when you're being attacked by fungus? Attack back.
Levine's practice offers a "foot facial," which starts at $275. Feet are exfoliated and cleaned, nails are buffed with an electric file and a whitening agent is applied. If fungus is in the mix, a laser treatment is added.
"We use a Q-Clear laser that usually gets rid of fungus in three treatments," says Levine. "So we'll use it on skin that's peeling, and we'll use it on fungal nails."
Don’t want to go that high-tech? You can run damage control at home. After a shower, rough up the surfaces of your discolored nails with a file, and then Levine recommends brushing on a paste made of baking soda, water, and a scant half teaspoon of bleach. Let it sit for a few minutes, then rinse off. The discoloration should be less noticeable.
If you’re fungus-free, you might still need a tune-up
Levine shared stories of investment bankers who pick at the heel calluses caused by their tight Italian loafers. Or the hedge funders who spend the whole flight back from Hong Kong getting tanked, and then their ankles are too swollen to fit into their expensive boots.
There are guys whose feet sweat so much they're wading in their boat shoes. Or ones with so much toe hair they really do look hobbit-like. Then there are the grandma bunions. Yes, those can happen to men, too.
"You never know what's happening under the socks," she says. "You can look at someone with a great suit, great tie, and then you'll find these crooked toes."
Good news: there’s a fix for almost everything. Like Traumeel, an non-steroidal homeopathic injection that can shrink your calluses. And lasers for hair removal, plus cool lasers to reduce swelling. There’s even Botox for hyper-sweaty feet.
Most foot treatments aren't covered by insurance, but here fungus might just be your friend. If your lab culture comes back positive, insurance may kick in to pay for your anti-fungal battle.
Bottom line: don't let it get this bad
If you don't want to shock people on the beach, then don't wait for June before you do something.
"All winter long men might not address their feet," says Levine. "But then they're hurting and it could affect your golf game, or your tennis game—and that's when men come in and see me."
And once your feet are healed, take care of them. That means wearing good shoes, and not doing anything stupid because you think you can "fix it yourself."
"I've seen men with pus coming out of a wound," says Levine, "because they stepped on a sea urchin and tried to take the spine out themselves."
Sea urchins? Maybe you should just keep your shoes on after all. Even in the water.
